Warrior At Life

 I just don't know how people deal with anxiety on a day to day basis.  The anxiety I feel over this upcoming school year is unbearable.  Just not knowing what to expect, knowing the difficulties we had last spring when school abruptly ended, it's just too much.  I chose all remote learning for the kids this year.   The other option is hybrid where they go a couple days a week and do the rest remote.  Last spring we had such issues with Mark and Zoom.  Zoom is a requirement this year, and I just know it's not going to go well.  I just don't know...and that's the problem.  I am hoping and praying he adjusts and does well.  The girls did pretty well considering we were thrown into it last spring, so I'm not worried about them.  This world today is just so full of unknowns and all things that are out of my control.  I cannot deal well with that.  It makes me just want to sleep all the time and not deal with anything.  Th...

I don't know...our world.  It's crazy.  Between the pandemic, a black man being murdered by a while police officer, to riots, destruction of property and attacks on humans, the world has seriously gone mad!  I mean, what the heck is going on? I said to my husband earlier that I believe the end times are upon us.  Just look around.  It's a scary place, and I'm petrified for my children.  I have nightmares when I sleep at night.  I'm afraid.  I'm afraid for my black friends.  I live in a predominately white neighborhood.  I am friendly with everyone.  Heck, some of my best friends are black and I love them with my whole heart.  To see the madness and injustice because of their skin color is infuriating, sickening, and I fear for them.  I fear for their children. My great niece is biracial.  She was bullied in school (kindergarten, can you believe it???) because of her skin and hair.  Bullied because she doesn't...

It's not easy saying goodbye.  No matter if someone died, is moving or leaving a job.  It's just so hard.  Today is my coworker, Lorraine's,  last day at work.  We worked together 2 nights a week for the past few months and we really got to know each other (she even has a list with my kids names...she's the only one there that Mark has actually talked to).  Last night was our last shift together. I'll admit, I got teary eyed.  I cried a little.  I'm gonna miss her like crazy!  At my job, we are all a  family.  Truly, an amazing family that goes above and beyond for each other.  We take care of each other, and we always know if we need, our shift is always covered if we need it to be.  Lorraine only worked nights, but once she even covered a day shift.  If you know Lorraine, you know that's an amazing thing. I loved hearing her stories from when she lived out west.  We'd talk about movies, and music. ...

Another  day, another dollar.  I love my job.  I mean, I really LOVE my job.  Never in a million years did I think I'd go back  to work.  I love being at home...it's what I was called to do.  But an opportunity literally fell on my front porch. I live next door to a Dollar Tree.  I know, a very dangerous store HAHA.  I was there all the time, got to know those who worked there and formed relationships with the girls.  It really was a pleasure every time I went. One day Nikki came over asking if Bob was interested in a once a week, 4 hour shift.  It entailed unloading the delivery truck and putting out what was put on the floor (paper products and drinks).  He said no...being retired from the union, he just can't go out to work.  So my face lit up and, with his blessing, took the job. I did truck for a few months, and I loved having a few extra bucks in my pocket every 2 weeks.  Then I wa...

Big changes are coming for Mark.  We sadly found out, a few weeks ago, that his therapist (who he's been seeing for the last 3-4 years) is leaving the office and moving out of state.  He is so upset (and so am I). Don't get me wrong, I'm not upset at her.  I'm upset at the situation.  He doesn't adapt well to change.  He doesn't want a new therapist.  He doesn't do well when the structure of things change. As a boy on the autism spectrum, with sensory processing disorder, anxiety and selective mutism, change is devastating!  When he meets new people, he shuts down and doesn't talk.  Sometimes you can read his facial expressions, but not all the time.  Take my coworkers.  The store has been there for years.  I've worked there for over a year and a half, some of my coworkers much longer than that.  Does he know them?  Yes.  He sees them on a daily basis.  Does he talk to them?  No way, but he smiles when t...

I can't believe that 4 years have passed since I've blogged.  I'm a terrible blogger, that's for sure.  I'm more of a paper and pencil type of journal girl, but I have a new computer so I figured I'd give it another go. So here we are, May 13th, 2020.  We are in the midst of a worldwide pandemic, being attacked by the Coronavirus, known also as Covid-19.  We are prisoners in our homes.  When going to a store we need to wear masks.  I need to wear a mask at work and now I am not allowed to pull it down when in the store at all.  We practice social distancing of 6 feet apart.  We are not around people we don't live with.  Beaches are closed, non-essential businesses are closed.  Restaurants that are open can only do pickup or delivery.  It's just a strange new world.  I don't see it ending any time soon because a lot of people are not following the rules and guidelines. The kids are good.  Matt is going to be 21 and is s...

So this beauty right here, my daughter Allie, who turned 15 on June 4th, has relapsed. Here is her story. Just before turning 5, she was waking up every morning with swollen eyes. Being it was coming up to spring, we thought it was allergies. We bought new pillows, I cleaned everything top to bottom, but she was still waking up with swollen, puffy eyes.  I took her to the dr for her check up. I explained to the dr what was going on, but she didn't give it a 2nd thought either. Must be allergies. So she ordered her annual bloodwork. I was shocked at the results.  She was spilling protein in her blood, blood and protein in her urine and her cholesterol was so high, she was on the verge of stroke. Her condition was dire. I needed to take her to a nephrologist.   This was June.  We were referred to chop, but they needed a metabolic profile for every member of our family, including the husband, who at the time didn't go to drs. Then the earliest appointmen...