The Anxiety Can Be Too Much

 I just don't know how people deal with anxiety on a day to day basis.  The anxiety I feel over this upcoming school year is unbearable.  Just not knowing what to expect, knowing the difficulties we had last spring when school abruptly ended, it's just too much.  I chose all remote learning for the kids this year.   The other option is hybrid where they go a couple days a week and do the rest remote.  Last spring we had such issues with Mark and Zoom.  Zoom is a requirement this year, and I just know it's not going to go well.  I just don't know...and that's the problem.  I am hoping and praying he adjusts and does well.  The girls did pretty well considering we were thrown into it last spring, so I'm not worried about them. 

This world today is just so full of unknowns and all things that are out of my control.  I cannot deal well with that.  It makes me just want to sleep all the time and not deal with anything.  That's a problem.  I mean, I have my therapy.  Judy actually called me a couple of weeks ago to see if I'd be interested in doing a virtual group in September, and of course I said yes.  There just has to be enough participation in order for it to happen.  I'm concerned because most of the ladies in group are older and either don't have smartphones or don't really know how to use them outside of calling and texts.  I miss that group.  It was my lifeline, kept me in check and all that.  It really sucked having that taken away.


I'm really sick of not being able to do things or see my friends/family.  This covid has really disrupted our lives.  Having to wear a mask, not being able to see anyone, no gatherings, no parties, no this no that.  It's ridiculous.  I need to celebrate the girls graduation, I wanted to celebrate my birthday...the big 45, I always look forward to regular backyard bbqs.  If I want a job, I need to wear a mask.  If I need to go into the store, I need to wear a mask.  Gotta keep a mask in my purse, in my car, in my house.  It's crazy.  I'm really eager to see where this all goes after the election in November.   There is more going on in the world than meets the eye.


Well, I am breaking the "rules" and having the Dixon's over tonight.  We are having a little cookout.  The pool filter broke a couple of weeks ago, so the boys will just have to amuse themselves.  They can build with legos, Mark can show them the sets he got for his birthday, etc.  I need some friend time.  Jane and Pat were supposed to come over today but they had to cancel.  Maybe next week.  Allie and I go to the gyno on Tuesday so maybe Wednesday I can see my girls.  We'll just hang out in the yard.  It'll be nice.  We haven't seen each other since March, whenever our last group was.


Back to work tomorrow.  Work is good.  I do love my job.  I have to see what Bob is getting in social security come January to see what I can work so we don't lose our health insurance.  I have to look up and try to find an income chart that will tell me the cap of what we can make to keep our insurance.  Lisa doesn't want to lose me, and I don't want to give up the job completely.  I also don't want to lose my assistant manager position, so hopefully I can keep it and work 2 nights a week.  Hopefully that will work out, or I can just do a shift or two doing freight.  I don't want to just cashier.  


I've been knitting like crazy lately, which helps me manage stress.  I knit about 8 pairs of socks the past couple of weeks (I ordered 3 more balls of this sock yarn, Felici from Knit Picks, but shhhh, we won't talk about that) lol.  I have all this other yarn that I'm going to knit some baby blankets out of and donate to Tami Dukie's Hope Cove Giving Shop. I know she was hoping to get some knit and crochet blankets donated for her to give to her moms, I just didn't volunteer.  I want to make them than contact her for the shipping info.  I just found a pattern for a knit ripple baby afghan that I want to start.  


That's about all for now.  The Dixon's are on their way.  Until next time~~

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